Waht No Second Date? by Chris Keys

Today, my blog is a maybe a short story or one of the chapters of a new book I'm wirting. It fits both. It's long but reads fast and I think you'l like it.

WHAT NO SECOND DATE? By Chris Keys






It was a gun, all silver and shiny! I wasn’t expecting to see one here, I mean, after all it was only our first date and yet, there it was pointing directly at me.



“Give me your wallet, Romeo” Tania was demanding. Tania was my date for the evening. She was a truly beautiful brunet with long legs and a great smile. She was wearing a form fitting dress which the minimum left to the imagination.



“What’s with the gun? Dinner conversation not up to your usual standards?” I asked, as I stared at the gun. It looked like it was a 32 cal. or maybe a 22 cal. It was small. It fit snuggly in her hands. Women have small hands and it was made for someone with small hands. I doubt my finger would even fit in the trigger guard, let a lone pull the trigger.



“Shut up and hand it over. Don’t make me shoot you.” Tania threatened.



“Do you shoot people often? I mean on the first date?”



“Shut up and give me your wallet, NOW!” Tania hollered as her face got red and her eyes took on menacing look. It was hard to believe that this gorgeous babe was robbing me, after we just had diner together.



As I struggled to get my wallet out of my back pocket, I asked, “So, what? You accept dates, so you can set the guy up to rob him after dinner?”

“Something like, that.” She answered smugly. “Hurry up!”



“And here, I thought we had some chemistry.”



“Oh please, take a good look at you and a good look at me. Do you really think there could be chemistry between us? Please, you’re so far beneath me.” She delivered the cut with the practiced skill of a surgeon. She had a point though, I was an almost in shape guy with less than perfect hair, an ok smile and plain to average looks. But I do have big hands, really big hands.



“It’s nice to know that you have such a healthy self esteem” I managed to get the wallet free finally and I sat there holding it.



“Give me the wallet. Nice and easy or I’ll blow a hole thru you!” Tania snarled, but it was hard to accept that this super babe was also a stone cold criminal. Hell, with most men, all she’d have to do get their wallet was ask and bat her eyes, while slipping her arm in theirs and they’d gladly do whatever she asked. She didn’t need a gun, not as long as she had that body, that face and that smile.



“There’s no money it.” I said as I handed it to her, nice and easy as instructed. I certainly didn’t want a hole blown thru me.



“There has to be. I know this restaurant isn’t cheap and I saw you pay with cash.” Tania stated curtly as she opened the wallet and stared in to it. Then she asked, “What the hell is this?” she suddenly raised the gun to shoulder height, dropping the wallet and grabbing the gun with both hands to steady her aim. “Well?”



“I told you, it didn’t have any cash in it.”



“Where’s the money?”



“I brought just enough to cover dinner and a tip. I was planning on stopping at an ATM, if the night managed to stretch into extra innings, so to speak.” I liked the fact that I used a baseball analogy, it showed her I was multifaceted. I’d used a football analogy earlier in the evening and it had seemed to impress her. Maybe she’d see how cool I was at gun point and her opinion of me might improve.



“Look jerk! I have a gun and I’m going to shoot you in two minutes if you don’t produce some cash. Now where is it?” she was actually starting to scare me now, since she had spittle dribbling out of the corner of her mouth. I think her patience was running out and she was starting to get irate.



“Hey, you should have mentioned something about my needing extra cash on me, for the after the date robbery, before we had dinner. There was an ATM inside the front door next to coat check.” she fired the gun. Luckily, I’d opened the window when we first got in for the drive home. It was a fairly warm night and I had thought some fresh air would have been a good thing. As it turned out, it saved me the cost of a window, but the Lexus parked next to me; well, it would not only, need a passenger side window but a driver’s side window as well. The bullet went clean through both windows, shattering them. It made one of those spider web designs that safety glass is famous for in each window, and then it impacted in the brick wall beyond, leaving a circular scar on the wall.



“Damn,” I blurted out as I took a look at the Lexus, “they’re going to be pissed when they come out and find the windows blown out.”



“I won’t miss the next time” Tania slurred through her clinched teeth.



“I believe you. It’s just there isn’t any way I can get you any money, unless we go to an ATM.” I explained the problem as succinctly as I could to her, as she sat there shaking with what I believe was frustration and rage combined. I guess her other dates were more prepared than I was to facilitate her robbing them. She was hoping for a quick score and here she picked the wrong target. So much for dinner, drinks and a quick getaway.



Finally she spoke, “Alright, start the car and drive to an ATM.”



“But there’s one right inside the door of restaurant. Wouldn’t it be quicker just to go inside and get it?” I suggested an alternative to driving around in a strange neighborhood trying to find an ATM.

“I said drive, Damn you! Drive!” she was becoming uncivil. I backed the car out of the spot and quickly exited the parking lot, turning right and drove to the end of the block and stopped at the stop light, which was red. So I stopped and asked, “Do you know where there is an ATM around here?”



“What?” she asked with a puzzle look on her face.



“I’ve never been in this neighborhood before and I don’t know where an ATM is? Do you?” I lied of course, I mean wouldn’t you? She was holding a gun on me and expecting me to take her to an ATM to rob my bank account. I mean, I’m a nice guy, but there are limits.



“How should I know? You’re the man, find one!” she demanded, so I turned left. I knew this would lead us into a warehouse district, in the opposite direction of the nearest bank. After a few minutes of turning this way and that way, each street leading us further into the warehouse district, she demand that I pull over. “Get out of the car!” she screamed at me, the moment I stopped.



“Wait a minute. This is dangerous neighborhood. If there’s anybody around, they’re up to no good and they’ll probably mug me.” I protested.



“I don’t care, get out!” she shouted once again. I slowly opened the door and pulled the key from the ignition and started to slide out when she yelled, stop. I did, half in and half out, of the car. “Give me the keys, jerk.” she ordered. I started to slide back in, while I reached out my hand with the keys in it. “Stop there. You don’t need to get back in. Hand me the keys over your shoulder and get out.”



“Ok” I said as I reached over my shoulder and dropped the set of keys.



“Get out, get out. You aren’t fooling me. You did that on purpose. Get out and move back away from the car.” Tania instructed me, providing a poke in the back with the gun for emphasis.



‘Hey, I’m going, I’m going. Take it easy!” I complained so she might feel she was in charge and maybe she’d then relax and lower her guard. I stood up and had taken about ten steps from the car, when she yelled for me to stop. I did as I was told, but I also quickly turned around and found her digging between the seat and the console. She was holding the gun up and out towards me, but she was clearly focused on the search. She glanced at me for a brief moment and went right back to searching.



I moved as quickly and quietly as I could, towards the back of the car. As I moved to my right, I also moved closer to the car, until I was right up next to the car. I crouched down so she couldn’t see me. It became strangely quiet as I waited to hear what Tania was up to, either getting out of the car or climbing over the console into the driver seat.



Time dragged by so slowly, I started to get a cramp in my back, due to being hunched over and crouched down for so long, but I endured and I waited for Tania to make her move. Finally she did. I heard her shifting around in the car, it wiggled next to me, as I imagined her twisting and turning to trying to see where I’d gone. She groaned loudly, as she pounded the dashboard with what sounded like the butt of her gun. It was solid thud. Damn, I hope it didn’t damage the dashboard.



When the car wiggled again I stole a peak over the edge of the side panel and I saw her climbing over the console into the driver’s seat. She was just tall enough, that she had to wiggle a lot to get herself over the console and then, slip her long luscious legs under the steering wheel. Any second now, she’d have to lean over to reach the door, which I had left open on purpose, as far as I could. I did so knowing she’d have to lean way out of the car to reach it. And being a good foot shorter than me, she’d be very venerable when she did. When she leaned over to grab it, I’d grab her. Then I’d toss her pretty little butt into the street and I’d drive away, leaving, my would be robber, to fend for herself in the middle a high crime district without her gun for protection. She kept wiggling and wiggling, something told me something wasn’t right, so I backed up around the rear corner of the car and waited. Suddenly the wiggling stopped and I stole another peek. This time, I looked over the car’s trunk lid and I didn’t see her. I dropped to the ground and peeked under the car, knowing I’d see her feet if she had gotten out and I‘d know which way to go.



What I saw, was her shadow. She was leaning out of the car door, gun first, looking for me before she reached for the door. She was smart, she’d thought about what I try and she was taking reasonable precautions. If it hadn’t been for my sixth sense, I’d have been either back being held at gun point or worse, lying on the pavement having been shot. As soon as I could tell she had sat back up, I moved. I ran around the corner of the car and raced right up to her. I grabbed her arm and pulled as hard as I could. She flew out of the car and bounced off the car door on the way. Upon impact the gun went off and she screamed, as the hard collision against the door, had dislodged the gun from her hand. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw it slide under the car and out reach for the moment.



I flung her into the street after bouncing her off the door, where she sprawled on her hands and knees after doing a somersault, which made a mess of her dress and hair.

It also tore up her knees, elbows and hands. But somehow even with the slight case of road rash she was still gorgeous. I almost felt sorry for her, but not really.



“You son of….” She started to yell but I cut her off.



“Hey, there’s no need to swear at me. You thought I’d just let you steal me blind?”



“You’re a real jerk. I’d have left your wallet.” She proffered as she did her best to get up without exposing any her private parts. It wasn’t easy since the dress was kind of tight and short to start with. “You didn’t have to throw me on the ground. You’ve ruined my dress.” She actually thought this was a reasonable point for her to be making after having held me at gun point.



“Gee, that’s too bad. Don’t they give you a discount on dry cleaning down at the arm robbery union?” I tried to retort glibly but failed.



“You’re a jerk. So what, you’re just going to leave me here, in this bad neighborhood?” she inquired, while giving me puppy eyes.



“Yeah, I hate to inflict you upon them, but I’m willing to bet that they can handle you.” Yeah, that was better, not too funny but sassy. Everybody fumbles now and then.



She started to walk towards me and I gave her the look, the one I give my nephews when they’re about to act out. It worked, she stepped back and I could tell she was resigned to her fate. It never worked on the nephews. I glanced into the car, saw my wallet on the passenger seat and started to slide in when she started shaking the set of keys I had dropped.



“It’s going to be hard to drive way without these.” She stood there shaking the keys and acting smug.



I gave her a big fake, “Oh my God!” look, as I reached into my pocket and pulled the real car keys out. I then stuck the key in the ignition and turned it. The engine roared to life. I’d switched the keys with a set of old keys, I’d found in the junk drawer at home. It was another fortunate mistake, to have forgotten to take them out of my pocket, before I picked her up for dinner. I had no idea what those old keys, she was holding went to, but I was pretty sure, they were of no value to me. Every key I needed or used, was on the key ring with my car keys.



I reached out and closed the door, looked up, smiled politely and started to pull away, when I remembered that the gun was on the ground under the car. She was running as fast as she could to get it, now that I had moved. I gunned the car and swung around the corner, as if I were driving in a NASCAR race. She managed to fire off a couple of rounds in my direction, but they were way wide. I honked my horn several times ina parting gesture, as I broke the land speed record getting the hell out of there.



I made good time on the trip home, and as I pulled into the driveway, I noticed that she had left behind her purse. I picked it up and opened it and there wadded up, buried in the bottom under a cell phone, breath mints, address book, makeup crap, scrapes of paper, condoms, tampons and a wallet, was a huge chunk of money wrapped with a rubber band. I pulled it out and discovered that she had a wad of hundred dollar bills, around a wad of twenties and fifties. A quick count showed that she left behind, just under ten grand. I rifled through the rest of her purse and discovered her wallet had another five hundred dollars in it and that her name wasn’t Tania it was Andrea. Andrea Cole. She didn’t live where I had picked her up, but in a completely different city. No wonder she wanted to meet me at the curb outside her apartment. Luckily, she had no idea of my actual address, but she might have memorized my license plate number, so I took the cash including the cash in her wallet and then backed out of the driveway and drove off into the night.



The purse and all of it’s contents minus her license and the cash, went in the trash bin back at the restaurant, then I went back home and went to bed. I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d see Andrea again. Most likely, she’d just show up with her gun in hand or worse with the police, claiming I robbed her. And to think, I didn’t get a good night kiss or even the promise of a second date.

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